Panda Family

Category: panda mom blogs

  • Ripple in a Riptide

    Today I’m reflecting a lot. In life, in work, in everything that I do. I feel like I’m getting pulled into another riptide. I’ve never experienced a real riptide, thank whatever force of nature that keeps me safe, but I’ve had a few major set backs in life where I almost drowned in my riptides.

    I was looking through an old notebook of mine from 10+ years ago and I found a little excerpt I’d like to share here.

    For what I don’t have the courage to say out loud or even type in chat, I want to express in words on this piece of paper.

    For a person like me who cannot speak her mind because of fear, fear of betrayal, of rejection, for once I want to tell you everything.

    I don’t want to dive head first into anything because I feel too much. What may be a scratch to anyone else is like I’ve exploded into smithereens.

    panda mom 2011

    Much like my last post of being an empath, I really do just feel too much. Things that happen in the world is completely overbearing to the point that I don’t even want to exist in this world. That’s how I’ve felt since I can remember. I don’t remember much of anything beyond a certain age so it’s probably around 20+ years of feeling like this.

    It took me 30 years to finally receive the help that I needed to deal and finally get some relief from this type of feeling. It’s exhausting, it’s draining and I’m completely tired of staying alive but boy is it rewarding now.

    THANK YOU TO MY MENTAL HEALTH TEAM AND MEDICATION

    Truly do not believe I can survive in this world without you.

    But I do believe that if there’s a will there’s a way and we just have to keep trying until we do not have to try anymore – everyone’s life will come to an end one day or another, much too early or not, the point of living your life is just because you want to.

    I cannot describe the pain of being alive when you sincerely 1000% do not want to and it’s not anyone else’s fault or even our own. We just have to find out what’s making us feel this way and then learn to cope and outgrow that feeling.

    Today was a good day. Tomorrow may or may not be. But what I do know for sure is, for my foreseeable future, I want to live to see tomorrow and enjoy the heck out of it.

    Til next time cubs~ 

    Panda Mom

  • I’m an Empath

    I feel the weight of the world
    Everyones’ suffering
    Everyones’ pain
    Unnecessary feelings that just overwhelm me

    I don’t always feel it, but when I do, it gets so tiring
    Living is exhausting
    Staying alive is a struggle
    But the willpower in me keeps me going

    I want to be part of the support that makes this world a better place

    Keep smiling at your strangers
    Keep spreading positivity and love
    Before you know it, the ripple effect to tear down the dam that’s trying to suppress change will be unstoppable with one person at a time

    Believe in yourself
    Believe in your family
    Believe in your friends
    Believe in your neighbors
    Believe in the people around you

    Don’t let negativity tear you down

    You’re more than enough to be the power that makes change happen

    I believe in you

  • Humanity At It’s Finest

    Imagine a world where humans were the #1 priority. Where humans actually cared about, wait for it, other humans. Insert laugh track here. Yes, this is a comedy. A real funny shit show.

    The world, our society, the human one, is an interesting piece of work. Where the fuck did we come from and how are we still here?

    What we have in place now must be working, right?

    Obviously it does as we are supposedly the most resourceful and intelligent beings in existence, right?

    We’re a strong population of living beings that are keeping ourselves alive and continuing to thrive but we’re also divided. We can do so much better, but everyday we choose not to.

    Imagine how skewed our society is that when providing everyone with basic human needs defaults to no one wanting to do anything anymore. Where no one would contribute back to the society. It’s actually completely laughable.

    The society where our doctors, lawyers, cooks, farmers, every single profession would be at stake because no one would have to worry about being able to go home to a warm and safe place with food.

    That’s not a joke. It’s a disgrace.

    Humans are like cockroaches to other humans. Disposable and completely unnecessary. Until, of course, they do need them.

    Everyone outside of the top 1% is a modern day slave. A legal slave to the system. Nothing will change because they are afraid their system will fall. But it doesn’t have to fall.

    An opportunity to do better?

    Who cares?

    The idea that our human society would fall because every single living human being has their basic needs met is not just laughable, it’s a disgrace.

    Shame on all of us.

    The Human Society: Where the #1 priority is the quality of life of other humans.

  • Welcome to my circle of solitude

    I am a lonely person. I’m an introvert. I also have pantophobia. Which is the perfect concoction of descriptions to set me up for modern society failure as I work best, alone.

    I don’t like to connect regularly. I don’t like to be in huge crowds. But I also value my family and friends that I do have that chose to stay in my life and check in on me.

    I’m guilty. Selfish. As I admittedly do not check in as often as I should on anyone. The only ones I do want to communicate with all the time are the ones I love the most. It’s a sad story I’m writing in my life as I’ve lost almost everyone and only the true few stick around.

    The ones that are selfless? The ones that do care? The ones I grew up with?

    They are not obligated to do anything with me or communicate with me or check up on me but it must mean they genuinely care right?

    It really doesn’t matter? Humans are almost programmed to be social beings. But as societies has grown and learned, we’re being “reprogrammed” to work as individuals. You don’t need to socialize or even count on another human to survive anymore.

    Gosh, where has this blog post gone?

    Until next time my cubs~

  • I have pantophobia

    With my fears I’ll grow, not to not fear anymore but to live with them. They are my “skeletons in the closet” because they have been disengaged from my mind. I now have full control of my own consciousness and reality.

    A lot has happened between my last post and this one. I’ve won another battle with my illness and have learned exponentially how to cope and live with this disorder. It’s been one hell of a rollercoaster I’ll tell you that much but I’ve conquered and survived.

    Til the next post my cubs~

    -Panda Mom

  • Planet Earth is my Playground, and the possibilities are endless

    Until there is no more planet earth. Lol~

    I’m spewing my thoughts today as our billionaires in the world are having a race to space. Sounds to me like they’re escaping the earth as we know it because it’s being seen as a lost cause for future generations to come.

    I’m not someone that’s been aware of the problems of the planet or even the society that I live in and to be blunt, I don’t want to know. I really don’t want to even care. But I’m writing this today because I’ve found a huge pot hole in this life I’m living. And very much like our billionaires on their space race, I’m also avoiding the fixing of my own problems, the ones I have control over, and seeing the problems that I could fix elsewhere. hah. If only we shared similarities in monetary wealth as well right?

    Because, MONEY, could fix all my problems. I’m being sarcastic here as you could have easily missed that in text.

    I recently had to ask myself why I’m alive and what the reason of being alive was. I asked myself this because I’m a diagnosed schizoaffective person. You can look it up but you’ll never know my personal diagnosis and experiences unless you care to ask. Which you probably won’t but that’s ok. If I wanted you to know, I’d share it but in another post perhaps.

    I bring this up, though, because I had a sudden “woke moose” moment and I reached out and asked my family and friends I have on facebook, about the possibilities of a society that existed where humans were provided with their basic necessities to live. Basic house, food and clothes. I only caught the attention of 2 people that dared to respond but I want to ask this question in a more public space.

    It’s an interesting theory but I digress. I’d love to explore this topic more and I hope it triggers a spark of conversation between you and your friends and family as well. I’ll ask the same question in the exact words I put it in my facebook post:

    Food for thought :

    Is it possible to have a society where all your basic needs are guaranteed and provided for?

    Basic housing, food, clothes, everything you would need to survive and live a normal life could be provided for free and anything else in life would be a luxury you’d have to work for.

    It’s a bizarre idea & I can see people taking full advantage of this free system as they do nothing & not give anything back to the society that’s so giving but I just feel as human beings that have the chance to live life… We could do so much better.

    Is it possible? Why, why not? What would happen if this was achieved, etc.

    -PandaMom

  • Finding Peace in an Anxious World

    Lately, I have been feeling uneasy about life. I’m constantly reminding myself that I’m doing great and that things can be worst and I should be grateful that they’re not. But this is a feeling I cannot help but feel and you can only suppress feelings for so long before you explode in a mental breakdown like the ones I’ve had in the previous years.

    I’m hoping to be on a journey of self acceptance and finding joy in things I find to be painful and hard to do. In a crazy mixed up world as we are today, I find it to be quite scary. Being alive is a scary thing but I’ve reached a point in my life where I’d much rather be alive than not. Which is a huge accomplishment in my opinion.

    In my next entry, I’ll have to bring to you much more positive vibes.

    Til next time,

    Panda Mom

  • Brand New Website

    I am finally launching our brand new website just because I no longer want to be a procrastinator. Will this be the final look of our website? It probably will not be but in the meantime, I like it as it is.

    It’s currently 2am and I’ve been working on the website for a good 3 hours — I had a latte coffee.

    I’m. not the best writer or content creator out there but I’m working my way up the ladder so to speak and I just hope to be an entertaining person for you to read from and watch in your daily life.

    I’d. appreciate it if you have any ideas or suggestions for us as a Youtube channel and as a blogger.

    Look forward from hearing from you cubs.

    Panda Mom